Trying to preserve our friendly relationship I said "Listen, it's not me asking you to do this - it's Head Office in London. I agree with you - they're being unreasonable!"

 

The team weren't impressed and over the days that followed seemed to lose their respect for me and I couldn't understand why. And my blaming Head Office for the situation did not help.

 

Shortly afterwards, I was fortunate enough to get some one-to-one business coaching. For two days, the coach sat by me questioning every move I made. Every time I spoke to a staff manager or picked up the phone, the coach would ask me to examine my own motives and the effects of my behaviour on others. I can't say it was an enjoyable experience and at times I wanted to strangle the coach.

 

I learned a number of useful lessons over those two days. One of the biggest was that it is more important to focus on gaining the respect of the team rather than being liked by them. There are many ways of gaining respect - consistency, giving support, showing fairness, leading by example, maintaining integrity. One that is easily overlooked however is taking responsibility up and down the line.

 

This means, for example, that if you have to implement an unpopular action, you must avoid the temptation to pass the blame up to senior management. For example, it's much better to say "I want you to do this...." rather than "The Sales Director wants you to do this..." By passing the buck up the line, you're giving away your power. In the eyes of your team, you become just a "messenger boy (or girl)". They think "Why doesn't the Sales Director come and tell us himself?"

 

Similarly, if you want to maintain the respect of your bosses, it's better to carry the can for a team's poor performance rather than slag them off. After all, their performance is your responsibility.